dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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