if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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