Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
