I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
