I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
She said her name was "party"
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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