Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
