so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
