dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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