how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
