i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
