i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
why is half of my head shaved?
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