i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
