I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
