What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
