Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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