I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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