hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I need moral support for this bender
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
