Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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