I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
