At least make sure they are 18
Why
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
