DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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