On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
