Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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