i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
