This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Randomize
