I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
