i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
