I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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