Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
