Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
