No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
