So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
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