Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
