everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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