it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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