did you get engaged???
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
