You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I wannas sexs uuuuu
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
