i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
