i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
