Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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