Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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