So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
