Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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