The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
