its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Randomize
