Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Im part way to drunk.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
