I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Randomize
