Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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