Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Randomize
