help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
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