If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
