i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
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