yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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