I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
