If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
