he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
